Trying to be a better version of myself, I took out every superficial, inefficient bits
one by one.
I stopped doing the creative hobbies. Can't use my creativity for something else than my actual project, it's inefficient.
I stopped playing video games, it's such a waste of time.
I can't side-track, give into fun impulse-ideas, I need my hours on building a career.
Come on. Wake up at 5AM.
But it's weird, the more I took out, the less I would do. It's like all these "inefficient" bits were actual parts of me. Parts of me that I just couldn't replace.
The more I look at myself, the less I see myself.
I don't think I've actually lost myself, I think I've stopped allowing myself to exist.
Maybe all the planing in the world won't get me to actually do the things.
Maybe I just need to give into the impulses.
That's how I decided to start writing a blog at precisely 3AM instead of going to sleep.
Honestly I have so many bookmarked ideas, notes, tiktoks .. SO MANY
things I tell myself I'll do "later"
But later never comes somehow ?
So.. time to break the pattern I guess ?
